In other news, I sat next to Mr. & Mrs. Ke$ha on the flight here. You could guess who she looked like. He looked, had he been a sliver more British, like someone who would "put a bangin' donk on it", as they say. When I sat down (aisle seat, thank god) they were viciously making out... I could tell they were pretty drunk by the way they reeked of booze and by the way they were yelling at their friends in the seats in front of them about how drunk they were. The entirety of their waking moments was spent sucking face and arguing with their friends about who was the drunker couple. Luckily they were completely passed out while we were in the air, thus saving me from two hours of Ke$ha/donk perdition. Alcohol has its advantages.
Oh and their friends were great too. They stood up once we landed; he had sleeves and looked like Vin Diesel (I run into XXX clones everywhere), and she was really, really gorgeous. Long, dark hair and the biggest brown eyes I've ever seen. In fact, if you put together all of her hair and her enormous eyes, you'd get the exact size and shade of the hickey on her neck.
Let me tell you why Chicago O'Hare is the worst airport ever:
A) It took me four days to walk to my gate. Whoever designed the layout for this building should be sentenced to death by walking from one end to the other without food or water.
B) My gate is the only gate in the whole airport (I know because I walked through the ENTIRE 500-mile-long building to get there) that's as hot and humid as it is outside. So I had to walk halfway back (250 miles for those of you unlearned of mathematics) to an internet café so I could get on here and blog about how much this airport sucks in the comfort of air conditioning.
C) I purchased an iced mango black bubble tea from a tea kiosk down the way thinking that it'd be boba or something, when actually it's a solid mass of sugary jelly cubes that takes up over 50% of the entire cup. God this place sucks.
D) It's really blatantly obvious that everyone else hates Chicago O'Hare too. Everyone looks grumpy and lost. I walked behind five pissed-off Korean women who were fighting loudly over a bottle of water. Also there's a vast multitude of people wearing their sunglasses inside. Maybe they know something we don't?
At least I'm only stuck here for two and a half more hours! fml
Montréal will be worth it though. Très, très, trèstrèstrès excitée! :DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
B) My gate is the only gate in the whole airport (I know because I walked through the ENTIRE 500-mile-long building to get there) that's as hot and humid as it is outside. So I had to walk halfway back (250 miles for those of you unlearned of mathematics) to an internet café so I could get on here and blog about how much this airport sucks in the comfort of air conditioning.
C) I purchased an iced mango black bubble tea from a tea kiosk down the way thinking that it'd be boba or something, when actually it's a solid mass of sugary jelly cubes that takes up over 50% of the entire cup. God this place sucks.
D) It's really blatantly obvious that everyone else hates Chicago O'Hare too. Everyone looks grumpy and lost. I walked behind five pissed-off Korean women who were fighting loudly over a bottle of water. Also there's a vast multitude of people wearing their sunglasses inside. Maybe they know something we don't?
At least I'm only stuck here for two and a half more hours! fml
Montréal will be worth it though. Très, très, trèstrèstrès excitée! :DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
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